Stupid, huh?

I guess this is pretty stupid.

It feels pretty stupid, as I don’t blog anymore and all.

Stupid, huh?

I’m not doing so great, guys. I’m in my last year of school now. I hate practically all the girls in my school, and 97 percent of the boys as well. I feel like an outcast. I’m involved/not involved with this guy who has a girlfriend and it makes me feel like a worthless piece of.. ah. And what’s more? I feel like I can’t even get out. But I can’t complain, I am the one after all who always said that she didn’t want a relationship as to avoid getting hurt. ..That plan evidently isn’t working out so well. I am so near the brink now and I just need someone to take me, head on, and give me a solution. It’s almost as if I’m surrounded by this aura of self loathing when I’m alone.

Why does every fucking person say it will get better? It doesn’t. It hasn’t. 3 years on and I’m still suffering from depression. I’m still suffering from bulimia. Struggling with self hate. Turning to alcohol every now and again. I am just, just so drained. Have you ever been in that state of mind where you don’t know if you need company or space? I’m at that stop right about now.

I don’t know what else to type.

The First

And to this very droplet of time
I feel it
Within my very being,
My thoughts and my words,
From the depths of my fingertips
To the angles of my mind,
In what I have done,
In what I have failed to do,
For yet have I to find
A next
That is as pure
As the first

Ships

Our first steps,
Pacing pavements,
And then she,
Of crowds oblivious,
In passing beggars,
She waltzed,
They danced,
Then he was gone,
Taking the sand,
Into the floor,
Never found

Piece By Piece

Have you ever cried so hard that you begin to choke on your breath? That you fall into such a state of hysteria, that you can barely remember it now?

And there you were, lying on your bedroom floor. Shaking, harming yourself, sobbing onto the cold hard floor. Desperately searching for the peace of mind you had previously learned to live without.

But one can only go so long, before they want out.

Irrelevant

I don’t think there’s one person in my school who I feel like I can open up to anymore, in the last few days I’ve just shut off.

Yeah

What If I Told You

What if I told you that the basic foundations that I once stood so surely upon we’re disintegrating beneath my feet?

What if I told you I don’t believe in love anymore?

What if I told you I was aching, aching to feel something? Aching to feel anything.

What if I told you I was breaking apart day by day, and I can’t take this anymore?

Well I wouldn’t tell you that, would I. We don’t talk anymore.

When You Realise

“Sometimes it gets to the point where instead of relentlessly turning the pages, you need to close the book.”

Anger

I am so angry. I’ve smashed a lamp in my room. I’m flipping right now, I can’t write properly.

Real talk? You wanna know what I’m thinking “bro”? You should try this thing, it’s called knowing your fucking place and speaking when you’re fucking spoken to and not all up in my shit.

Don’t talk to me, I’m not your fucking homie. It’s your fucking problem, not mine. Fuck you.