Unknown 

There are none so blind as those who don’t want to see.

Something I Learnt

You are still the same human that you were before they graffitied the walls of your mind.

Remember that.

Nighttime

My biggest fear,
Is one day being as oblivious to my children’s sufferings,
As my parents were,
To mine

Now

“Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me.”

Over And Gone

It’s like you’re screaming and no one can hear. You almost feel ashamed that someone could be that important, that without them you feel like nothing. No one will ever understand how much it hurts. You feel hopeless, like nothing can save you. Then when it’s over and it’s gone, you almost wish that you could have all that bad stuff back, so that you could have the good.

Ireland

Tomorrow I’m going to Ireland.

For 5 days, I’ll be the happiest that I can be for months. Im going to take pictures and videos and be with everyone. I’m so excited to see Reece and Stacy and James and Irinel and everyone, so so so happy.

I’m just so excited to go home.

Please

The First

And to this very droplet of time
I feel it
Within my very being,
My thoughts and my words,
From the depths of my fingertips
To the angles of my mind,
In what I have done,
In what I have failed to do,
For yet have I to find
A next
That is as pure
As the first

Nobody Knows

Maybe 1 in every million people wear the same cologne as you. And out of all of them, collectively, I might pass by one of those people in every 4 months. And everytime I do, a wave of nostalgia hits me. The sinking feeling starts, and I have to remind myself to take deep breaths. My mind begins to dart around, drastically. Flitting around from breaking to broken to not even walking straight.

One of those people walked onto this bus about 3 minutes ago.

Honesty

Okay it’s not that I have something wrong with me, as fucked up as this blog is. It’s just I take everything personally. The smallest thing will get to me, from a joke about my hair to something I say. And when it gets to me I do get really sad, and I don’t really know why.

I guess it really gets to me when my “group” don’t invite me out. I guess I’m kind of stuck between 2 groups, it’s weird. It gets to me though. It’s like, I’m just as much of a person as you are and we spend every lunch together.. WHAT is your problem? Just because I’m not as hot as the others, seriously?

And when stuff goes wrong I do lose control and hurt myself. It’s not a craving though, it’s more like in frustration. A release of tension. And I do have problems eating, I know that too. I get worried and angry and I’m hugely oversensitive and complicated. I get paranoid and hold grudges sometimes, overprotective too, and jealous. I’m probably quite annoying, and too hyper.

But you know what at least I’m honest about it. At least I don’t pretend to be something I’m not in a group of people and I’ll say what I feel and when I feel it. At least I’m not one of those people who exclude others and act like nothing happened.

And I may be fucked up, but at least I’m honest about it.